"This is an achingly compelling, heartfelt personal essay that reeks of pain and empathy, courage and admiration -- a powerful reminder of the perils of taking life for granted," said Guest Judge Andy Trincia about the winning piece. He has officially made his picks for our Personal Essay Competition, which invited teenagers from every corner of the world to pour their heart and soul in a 400-1000-word narrative.
Read on for our guest judge's commentary on the winning essays.
Winner:
“Clean Shaven,” by MJTwritingbee (United States)
Something so mundane as shaving -- a girl's legs in this case -- unfolds into a tender, beautifully written tale about a mother-daughter relationship. I loved the writer's use of voice and addition of crisp dialogue, which slowly reveals their bond as the mother shaves the girl's legs due to her painful disease. The writer's phenomenal descriptions and details of the process keep the story flowing as she weaves in her struggles with appearance now and before the illness.
For example, this fantastic prose:
"I've shaved my legs since I was in eighth grade, when I noticed that girls were starting to become pretty. It bothered me that I didn’t look like most of them. In fact, I didn't look like any of them at all. When I weaved through the school hallways everyday, I would find myself drowning in porcelain princesses. Hairless Barbie dolls with sculpted vinyl skin and glimmer painted onto every ridge of bone. I didn't fit into their mannequin shells and that was terrifying to me."
Another gem: "I took a shallow breath and buried my hands in the fabric of my oversized tee. My fingers and toes looked sickly, like bruised bananas spotted with mauve. I tried telling myself it was just the nature of this pallid bathroom. Under its flickering counter lights, everything looked jaundiced and shivering."
This is an achingly compelling, heartfelt personal essay that reeks of pain and empathy, courage and admiration -- a powerful reminder of the perils of taking life for granted.
“Blank Walls,” by Avaani Signh (India)
This subtle but forceful essay captures a coming-of-age moment so well; that bridge from teenager to adult to which we all can (eventually) relate. In the writer's own words, he "wrote this piece to represent how it feels to grow up and realise that there exist a large number of things that you can no longer control. It is about the fear of adulthood, of change, and above all of losing who you once were."
Mission accomplished with exquisite details and turns of phrase, such as: "I felt the heat of the hot Indian summer air feasting on my skin, the dull throb of my fingers tapping against the charcoal black table, and my thighs slowly growing slick with my own sweat; but I continued to sit and stare nonetheless."
And this brilliant stroke about his mother's hands: "You could see when she was irritated simply by her hands. They would become heavier, more rigid and tense, like she was flogged harshly on her wrist. Ever since I was a child, I gazed at her hands instead of her eyes, and by now, we were familiar friends."
The focus on his room and the contents of his cherished drawer, "what a shell is to a snail" -- including half-broken earphones -- were fantastic details, both divulging and provocative. From the opening to the end, the writer crafted a beautiful story along the arc of a pending family trip that wasn't appealing. This transformation from routine to riveting deserves the runner-up spot.
“Still in Love,” reviewed by Riddhima2011 (Portugal)
This was a fantastic peer review that offered useful, upbeat feedback and handled the subject's sensitivity with care and compassion. The suggestion on toning down the all caps and emojis was spot on, as was the comment on the transitions and focus. The answers to the Peer Review Questions were detailed and thoughtful. This is a model peer review with an excellent balance of constructive criticism.
“How memories are made / Title still struggling…,” by Scorpius Malfoy (UAE)
I thoroughly enjoyed the build-up to this moment that became legendary in the writer's family. The writing is fresh, dynamic and sincere -- with just the right dose of sarcasm and humor in this sibling rivalry. I appreciated the clever use of vocabulary and strong verb choices, capped with a wonderfully strong ending. This was a solid contender. Excellent work!
“How to Play the Bach Chaconne for Solo Violin,” by Bruce (United States)
Nice work here, full of candor and balance. Fantastic detail on the violin and I loved how you wove the story with the theme of mountain climbing and Everest -- a great visual thread with chronological steps. Save this as base content for a college admission essay!
“Itterashai,” by Pseudo Squid (Japan)
A raw, slightly complex story about a personal struggle that skillfully mixes cryptic clues, poignant imagery and family tensions. This is the kind of personal essay one has to read several times to absorb and reflect on it. Patience is rewarded for those who do.
“Mummy Could have Done Better,” by StarDiamond (Nigeria)
The writing is deeply personal and revealing. From the opening line, I was pulled in by the raw narrative that kept me curious and wanting more. Near the end, however, I was hoping for more of that momentum. I would've liked to know more about the man who became your stepfather and how that relationship with your mother transpired from that chance, emotional meeting on the street. There's another story angle in that, I'm sure. Well done overall, though, and congratulations on being a finalist!
“Transplant,” by Aria613 (United States)
This is a strong essay with wonderful use of color and detail with a strong, metaphorical ending. The realities of the story resonated with me as I went through a similar move at age 10 from Philadelphia to Houston, Texas, and endured many of the same emotions the writer describes. I see you were inspired by Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl" but I'd prefer more paragraphs - easier on the eyes, for starters - and maybe an opening scene that becomes the narrative, like an example of the culture shock you were experiencing that involved other characters (students, friends) and weaving it from there. Nice job. Keep writing!
“Untitled,” by Leah Larkspur (United States)
The writer's storytelling forte is on display with this harrowing tale. Although the opening could be stronger and less cumbersome, the story unfolds nicely from there with marvelous details and scene-setting, a near tragedy that would've left the writer guilt-ridden forever. The earnest feelings pour into the narrative, which is punctuated smartly with the famous "Trolley Problem" dilemma that adds to the story. Great job!
“Wet Suit,” by Katelyn Kim (United States)
This piece really grew on me after each time I read it. There's a lot to unpack. The writer does a lovely job layering the narrative, taking us from a school snorkeling trip with the discomforts of a wet suit and crippling fear of deep water to passing fish and underwater photos -- linking that to her grandfather's memory loss. It's a powerful story, intricate and thoughtfully woven with perfectly timed bits of dialogue and sarcasm. The descriptions of the photos in brackets jarred me at first, but it worked well in the end to glue everything together. This was a top contender. Bravo!
“When the Salmon Turn Magenta,” by Gerrit Wood (United States)
This is well-written and flows perfectly as it captures teenage crushes and all of the emotions, second-guesses and regret that accompany them. I relished the heartfelt emotion and self-reflection that stirred my own memories. Readers will resonate with this tale of young love intertwined beautifully with the backdrop of Montana's Rockies and the metaphorical use of tamarack needles and spawning salmon. Loved this beautiful paragraph, too: "Perhaps it was the juxtaposition of the old versus the new, the Southerner versus something novel and fresh and unapologetically Montana. She reminded me of home in a place that was cold to people from my old haunts."
Peer Review Finalist:
“Motivation. Inspiration.,” reviewed by Lost Sailor (Canada)
This was a solid peer review with specific guidance and suggestions while maintaining a helpful, positive tone.